Day #4 kicking my booty butt, NO ENERGY! ~By: Steph

Hi Friends.  I feel as though I’ve been trapped on a dessert island with no water, no food that tastes good, and a thousand screaming kids.  I mean you know it’s going to be a good daycare day when, it starts with vomiting, and ends with a power outage.  Do you feel my pain??? Come on. I AM NOT just being whiney and carby crabby. Okay, all in all it wasn’t a bad day and I’m feeling pretty good about my ability to reset right now.  It’s just more fun to whine about things some days.  Ask my kids!

I am on day #4 of kicking the added sugars and empty carbs.  I only need about 8 more days like this to assure myself that I’m in control of the Carb Monster.  He’s scary and follows me around trying to shove toast in my mouth.  Ooohhh, toast with cinnamon and sugar!  Ugh, I must stop giving the Carb Monster any ideas!

Anyhow, I just thought I’d post a sample of what a good day looks like for me.  Remember I am a sleever and I’m 4 years out.  My portions aren’t huge but, they aren’t teensy either. I definitely embrace the idea of cocktail forks and appetizer plates to keep my eyes from telling my brain that I need more food. If I find something I really enjoy, I will keep going back to it for several days. Then one day I will look at it and think, “No way am I going to eat this again!”  My lunch and breakfast are often the same all week. I am all for carbs from natural sources; dairy, nuts, fruit, veggies, legumes, etc.

Day #1

B- (not pictured) 1 scrambled egg, 1 oz steak and salsa.

L- Turkey rolled up with a Laughing Cow light wedge, 1 stalk of celery, 1 TBL Jalapeno artichoke dip, and 3 grape tomatoes.

S- 1/2 cup watermelon.

D- 3 oz chicken, 1/2 oz cheddar, 1/2 slice thin cut bacon, 5 grape tomatoes, and 1 cup of lettuce, with 1 TBL light ranch.

S- Frozen, PBfit & Triple Zero Greek yogurt bites.

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Day #2

B- Iced Protein Coffee.

L- Celery stalk with Jalapeno Artichoke dip, 2 slices turkey breast rolled up with a Laughing Cow light wedge, 5 blackberries.

S- Leftover salad with 2 oz grilled chicken.

D- Taco salad; 2.5 oz 9% ground beef, 1/2 oz cheddar, tomato, green onion, 1 cup lettuce, 1 TBL light sour cream mixed with Spicy Ranch seasoning.

S- More PBfit/Triple Zero, frozen bites.

This is the day I totally caved and had a TBL of creamy peanut butter right before bed 😦

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Day #3

B- Iced Protein Coffee.

L- Leftover taco salad.

S- Celery, dip, blackberries, turkey, Laughing Cow light wedge and a few pepperoni chips (1/2 svg Hormel Turkey Pepperoni laid out on a paper towel and microwaved 45 seconds).  This was the day I was super snacky and nibbled on this plate throughout the whole day.

D- Sundried tomato pesto chicken breast with 1 oz part skim mozzarella, and 1/3 an ear of corn on the cob.

S- 1/2 container Triple Zero Greek yogurt, 1 TBL PBfit, and 1 tsp Hershey’s sf syrup, frozen in a little Dixie cup.

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Day #4

B- Protein Iced Coffee.

L- Turkey sandwich made on lengthwise slices of cucumber and rolled up like a sushi roll.

S- About 6 homemade sugar free Japanese style pickled cucumbers.

D- No noodle zucchini lasagna made with 9% ground beef, low fat ricotta, part skim mozzarella, mushrooms, spinach, onions, garlic, and low sugar marinara.

S- Triple Zero peach yogurt.

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I’m satisfied with the changes I’ve made this week and the fact that I’m staying on the right track, with my eating.  I would like to go roll around in the leftover garlic bread from last night’s dinner but…I guess that might rub some carbs off on me.  I would like to eat some crackers so that this headache would go away.  More than both of those things, I’d like to continue being healthy and liking myself a bit more than I used to. 😉

Completely off topic here…You know you’ve been married a while and you’re just generally a bit too weird when you announce, “I am the Getting Rid of Kids Ninja, fear me!  Daycare kids gone. Our kids not in the room.  Bwahahahaha.” and you get absolutely no reaction from your husband as he stares at his phone. Is he now numb to my infinite charm and wit?  Naw…couldn’t be!

Hugs and good choices to you all!

 

 

 

 

Carbs? Who needs em? ~By: Steph

20160614_094639This is me enjoying my protein iced coffee. Yummy, better than any toast or crackers. Carbs, who needs carbs?  Not me.  I do daycare.  No stress eating there. Easy peasy. See…I didn’t get struck by lightening! Also, remind me not to drink in public.  Does my forehead always wrinkle up like that when I drink??? Why has this never been pointed out to me before.

Okay, I love my job.  I love my kiddos.  They make me laugh, keep me on my toes, drive me crazy and at times exhaust me.  Making meals for mini noise makers and serving up snacks, is tough when you’re trying to eat right and not graze.  Maybe if I fed them seafood, liver, lima beans, and canned peas, I wouldn’t be tempted to sample a bite or two. I totally see the kids responding well to that menu. Anyhow, today, that is my struggle.  I’m not hungry, I’m truly not.  I just want to eat.  Instead here I am blogging during naptime to keep myself from messing up my day!

Have you ever noticed that your kids push your limits right when you are on the brink of snapping?  The second day without carbs is definitely NOT the morning to push your mother!  Kids got up this morning, ran on time, left for their summer program. Then 5 mins. later I get the call. My son is asking me to load the daycare kids up and bring him his glasses that he forgot.  My response was, “I can’t I have kids here and 2 more on the way.  I need to be home for drop offs.” I was calm. I was nice.  I told him that they could walk back and grab them since he was still close to home.  Yeah. Then he did it.  “Thanks Mom, never mind I guess I don’t need them even though I can’t see anything in class without them.”, was his response. Right before he hung up on me.  Whew…deep calming breaths.  Who pays for the phone you just hung up on me with? Who do you think you are being a smart@$$ with me when I am not the one who left their glasses at home?  Where are you going to live when I kick your little butt out?  Let’s hear you say, “never mind I guess I don’t need them”, when I set all your video games on fire with a can of Aqua Net and a bbq lighter! Hmm…I think I was justified in my irritation.  Maybe, maybe not.  However, I also may have been a tad more fired up than I would have been if I’d had a mouthful of crackers.  By the way, he’s grounded from his phone until he learns to be respectful on it. Don’t fear, no bonfires and homeless son. GOOOOO MOM.  Wait, am I the only one cheering for myself?  Oh well.  His sister will think it’s a great plan.  Usually it’s her that’s grounded. My little angels.

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Yesterday went really well.  I ate healthy and made good choices.  Scrambled egg and a small piece (about an ounce) of steak for breakfast. Celery, jalapeno artichoke dip, grape tomatoes, and turkey for lunch. 1/2 cup of watermelon for snack.  Grilled chicken salad for dinner. Frozen PbFit and banana Triple Zero bites for evening snack. 16 cups of water to round out the day.

Still trying to decide on a dinner tonight but, 2 protein coffee shakes, the rest of my salad from last nights dinner, some watermelon and maybe another yogurt later, are on today’s menu.

20160614_075805Day 3 is usually my rough day when I’m kicking the empty carbs.  Wish me luck tomorrow.  If you pray, I’d appreciate a prayer for strength.  I know this sounds awful but, I’m dreading Bible study on Thursday.  They always include a dessert.  I’m usually good and bring my own low carb dessert.  I’m not even in a good spot for a low carb, sugar free, dessert at this point.  I need a couple of weeks without that type of food before I can reintroduce healthier versions of them.

I suppose I should go eat my salad while these kiddos are sleeping.  If I don’t I’ll be holding babies while trying to shove lettuce in my mouth, while they try to snatch it out!

Hugs to you all and here’s to fresh starts and people who understand.

 

 

 

 

 

Fajitas and Zoodles and Salad, oh my! ~By: Steph

Well, I have made it to Wednesday and not killed anyone.  Laying off of the unhealthy carbs kind of makes me feel murderous…I mean less than Mary Sunshine. This shall pass and hopefully my family will survive my mood swings and they in turn do not lock me in a closet. Personally I think mood swings are awesome. My lucky husband gets a new wife each time he walks in the door. SURPRISE, BIG GUY! At least I’m not boring to live with. Hmm…anyhow, let’s move on 😉

I’m in the zone.  Not sure exactly what zone.  I am using our pantry, freezer, and fridge like a pro. Saturday’s leftover grilled steaks became, Monday’s fajitas with fresh peppers, onions, and homemade mango salsa. Wish I’d snapped a photo of it.  It was a very colorful and pretty dish.

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Zoodles w/meatballs & sauce.

Tuesday I grabbed a container of 7% ground beef/hot Italian chicken sausage meatballs and sauce out of the freezer.  Meatballs are one of my favorite foods to make. (I used to make them with 1/2 ground turkey and 1/2 lean ground beef.  I love the chicken so much more.  It has great flavor and the texture is nicer than ground turkey.) As my friend Becky would say, “SQUIRREL!” I got sidetracked with the meatballs and forgot to mention what I made with them.  I zoodlefied (yep that’s the word I’m stickin’ with.) some zucchini, julienned red pepper/onion, sautéed them with cooking spray and seasonings, then set aside.  Added a bit of garlic infused olive oil and mushrooms to the pan and sautéed until golden.  Mixed it all together, added a couple of meatballs and sauce on top. This =’d YUMMINESS.

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Taco salad with mango salsa.

Today’s meal was the leftover mango salsa over a taco salad.  My carby indulgence besides the salsa, was black beans cooked in chicken stock, with chile, cumin and onion. They were delicious on a plain little taco salad.

Simple meals, using up what’s on hand and keeping on track.  I’ve been setting aside a portion of dinner for the next day’s lunch. Making a protein shake for breakfast. Reduced fat cheese, fruit, a slice of lunchmeat, etc have been my snacks. Yay for 3 days of good choices!

Oh, I have to mention how much I love my little appetizer plates and bowls.  I have several different ones and I love eating off of something pretty 🙂 I think my next purchase is going to be little cocktail forks. It feels weird using a fork bigger than the plate.  Using bigger plates leads me to pushing past my limit. In my head I’m still a clean your plate, kinda gal.

Trying to stay accountable and lay it all out here.  It’s a struggle to reset your eating but, we have to value ourselves enough to do it.  There’s no, “good reason”, to knowingly make frequent unhealthy choices.  We can blame our circumstances but, that won’t change anything.   We have to work for what we need. That’s what I’m once again deciding to do.

 

Honesty Sucks Sometimes ~By:Steph

Reset

I think I have “reset” myself on this journey about 5016 times…this month. Okay maybe these past 4 years.  I am happy with the fact that I do indeed have the desire and the drive to reset.  I am grateful for the strength I find in the Lord, to not just chuck everything and dive into a carb filled pool of deliciousness for the rest of my life.  Sometimes I even entertain the thought of just giving up and eating what I want and quitting the healthy rollercoaster ride.  Just when I feel like I’ve got things under control and I have changed my thinking and relationship with food, ABRACADABRA…something happens.  I know this is something I need to figure out and I’m honestly trying.

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I definitely have always had issues with depression and anxiety.  I take medication and feel okay most of the time.  Prayer has helped immensely with this struggle.  I think that if I am going to blog, I have to blog the good and the bad.  I have to share my HONEST experience not just the healthy recipes and victories. So here goes, I fell off the wagon.  Actually, I think the wagon jerked to a stop, slung me out in front of it and then ran over me. Do wagons have reverse? If so, I may have been backed over too.  I had a family member diagnosed with cancer…again.  I thought I handled it well.  I prayed, I focused on the positive, I said all of the right things to myself.  However, on the inside I think, it hit me harder.  It brought up thoughts of another family member’s diagnosis last year, and all of the emotions of that time. Depression lessens my will to resist carbs.  For the past several weeks I have been indulging in things I hadn’t eaten in months. Things I know better than eating.  I pushed through the dumping and got to the point where sugar didn’t get to me or at least I didn’t physically feel awful when I ate it.

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On Saturday night, I realized I was really struggling. I gave myself a pep talk, I prayed and decided I had to fix this.  On Sunday I heard the best possible message preached for my state of mind.  So, guess what?  RESET…again.  Yesterday went pretty well. Today is more of a struggle but, I’m doing fine.  I do admit though, I am craving those foods I am pushing out. I know that if I can get through a couple of weeks, the worn out, headachey (yep headachey), feelings of withdrawl and cravings will go away.  I just need to actually DO THIS for 2 weeks.  I think that now that I am fully aware of what was in the back of my mind and focused on it, I will be okay.  If not, I’ll be honest about that too.

That was the bad news.  The good news is I know that my God is bigger than the problems in my head.  The other good news is that my Big Guy and I actually were able to go on a very unexpected mini getaway weekend before last.  Left Saturday morning and came home Monday afternoon.  We hit a lot of coastal towns in that short time frame. It was our first getaway without the kids in 2 years. We were in need of a little couple time.  We had beautiful weather, gorgeous beaches, antique shops (yes, I’m 80 yrs old at heart), time to relax together and reconnect.  Despite my humidty hair, it was an amazing weekend that almost didn’t happen.  First I didn’t want to ask for time off on such short notice.  Then we didn’t know what to do with the kids.  Thank you to my Noodle for being an awesome big sister and watching the Bee and the Monster Boy for us.  Last, it was our month to serve as greeter’s at church so I felt super guilty calling people last minute and asking them to cover us.  It all worked out and we had the help of some really gracious people who encouraged us to go and enjoy ourselves.

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I’ll end it with this, I’m grateful that I have an amazing Big Guy who supports me and encourages me.  I have good friends who care and listen when I need to be insane for a moment.  I have healthy, amazing, pain in the rear, kids who I love to pieces. I have a family who are a blessing. I have a God who makes ALL THINGS POSSIBLE.  Even things like helping me overcome my self defeating thoughts and internal dialogue.  I am blessed beyond measure and need to focus on that and not setbacks. 

Hope you are having a wonderful week.  If you are interested in the current message series that I have been talking about, please leave a comment or message me.  I will get you the links for our church website.  Changing our thoughts is difficult, NOT impossible.

Take one small step and focus on a way to be kind to yourself at least once a day this week.  These little steps add up.

 

 

Better late than never :) By Steph

IMG_20130814_103913 This is me right after our vacation in the stripes. The other two are pics of clothes I wore TIGHTLY prior to weight loss.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Meeeeee, okay you get the point. Well, I am a few days late but, better late than never. Right?

I did my big kicking re-gain’s ass weigh in on Wednesday my 40th birthday. In the 5 weeks between my challenge of getting back to logging my food, working out and eating better, I lost 13.6 of my 16 pound regain. Leaves me with a mere 2.4 pounds to lose and put this nasty little episode behind me. I’m proud of the outcome. No, I didn’t lose 16 pounds in 5 weeks but, I kicked butt and did it the right way. A lot of exercise, meal planning and praying for help. There is nothing to feel bad about there, in my opinion anyway. Oh wait…mines the only one that counts since, it’s my body, my challenge and my life! Okay God gets ultimate claim to it but, still for all accounts and purposes, I’ll claim second on that list!

I’ve had some motivators who probably don’t even realize they’ve motivated me. A lady from church is on her own weight loss journey and reading her check ins, ups and downs, has kept me realistic and focused on the fact that we all have our struggles and our successes. A great friend since high school has stopped taking a backseat in her life and made proactive steps towards improving her life. I see her looking to the Lord, taking a leap of faith and finding a new job, getting out there and coaching her little girls soccer team and just being an all around inspiration. My husband’s faith in me and my capabilities, even when I’m doubting them. The way he works for our family which oh yeah includes me! If he thinks I’m worth working for, shouldn’t I think the same way? My bestie co-blogger (well yeah we suck at the quantity but, it’s all about the quality…right Clint?) and his own struggle with and then stomping all over of re-gain! Plus the numerous other successes he’s had lately. Another friend who has been through the wringer off and on lately and just keeps smiling and moving forward PLUS, joining me on a get our butts in gear challenge and she lost quite a few pounds herself in this time period! If you look for it there are plenty examples of why perseverance is so important to us. We easily recognize it in others but, some of us…OKAY ME ME ME…find it hard to see in ourselves.

Went to the coast camping with my hubby and our 9 month old Bear (okay technically he’s our German Shepard puppy) and still managed to get a lot of movement in, cook some seriously healthy and delicious meals and enjoy ourselves. Let’s see some highlights from the trip…Bear barked and protected us from oncoming traffic for about 30 miles before Joe lost it and decided he was riding in his kennel in the trailer the rest of the way to the ocean, I made it to our pit stop without wetting my pants (I drank A LOT of water and iced coffee on the way there.), Joe got pulled into the ocean by Bear and I laughed hysterically, I got pulled into the ocean by Bear and laughed much less before just giving up and enjoying it, I stepped foot in the ocean DURING SHARK WEEK (I know pretty daring since I’m sure the sharks were very aware what week it was!), spent alone time with my guy and Bear of course, took some amazing walks, relaxed, reconnected as a couple, and of course still managed to LOSE WEIGHT on vacation.

The past couple of weeks I reconnected with my inner tomboy and realized I love riding my bike! Joe took us to the park where they have all these hills, jumps, and courses for BMX riding. I have a beach cruiser and a 40 year old body…neither has any kind of shocks! We rode for hours burned a gazillion (yes I logged it and it said a gazillion 😛 on MFP) calories. It was so much fun going on the course and track. It was incredibly awesome realizing I was CAPABLE of doing this! I had so much fun and we went back the following week too. So last weekend was our second week and the highlight was me going down a huge hill and hitting the track at a bad angle and too fast, thus flipping me off my bike into another hill! I was a big girl and there were no tears…I cannot say there were no bruises though. I am still sporting some pretty nice mementos of the “trip”. We kept riding another 2 hours after that and it was a great family day. I am now on the search for a mountain bike because, well shocks would be really, REALLY, nice to have if I’d like to keep my knees and spine in decent shape (I’m sort of fond of those two things sooo…). I am way into the idea of a new bike but, someone is going to have to mud wrestle me to keep me from taking my big booty seat off my beach cruiser and putting it on the new bike! I like it, it’s very comfy…we’re friends.

ResizedImage_1377897957164 Family pic from my birthday dinner. Can you tell my son has his daddy’s smile? lol

For my birthday went out for dinner and had a nice time. Oh plus the restaurant sang happy birthday to me in Japanese and gave me a dessert that my 3 children promptly ate all of. When we left I decided I required some ice cream so we headed to Coldstone Creamery and I had a half of a kids cup of ice cream after dinner, before deciding I probably should stop eating it because, no one likes puking on their birthday and it wasn’t “that kind” of party sooo…I tossed the ice cream instead. It was delicious though 🙂

I am now on my way to achieving my goal weight. I am keeping up the food logging, exercise and healthy choices (most of the time). I’m not giving myself a timeline because, as long as I am moving in the right direction, I really don’t care how long it takes. I’m happy where I am and I feel wonderful so if I lose more living like this, that will be great. If I don’t, well you know what? That will be great too. 40 feels pretty amazing from my vantage point.

Thanks for listening to (okay yes technically reading) my ramblings and hodgepodge of giddy goofiness.1238185_3447216314959_244113364_n

Hugs and good choices,
~Steph

P.S. I should have just kept eating the ice cream and got sick on my birthday. I’ve been sick since the day after with some kind of tummy thing. I have no clue what is up. Yes, this is me feeling sorry for my tummy! lol

Okay, okay I’ve been away for a while…AGAIN By: Steph

Here I am again apologizing for not being around much this summer. I have mentioned I run a daycare and summer break is a chaotic, crazy, fun and busy time for me. However, I won’t use that as the excuse for not being around. I’m still struggling. I am doing much better with my eating. I am still not weighing until my 40th birthday at the end of August but, can tell my renewed dedication to logging my food and making exercise a priority has paid off. Clothes that were getting snug or flat out didn’t fit, are fitting fine again and I’m thrilled with that!

I am officially a bit over a year out from surgery now and I will not even pretend it’s been an easy year. Gastric Sleeve surgery isn’t a cure all and it isn’t a magical fairy dust that they sprinkled over me while I was under. It’s a tool and like any tool, if you aren’t putting the work behind it, it just sorta lays there doing nothing. I learned that when I got well….stupid…the first half of this year. So for my fellow “sleevers”, take care of yourselves, physically and mentally. Don’t become lazy, and don’t think just because, you had wls you will lose all your weight and keep it off. I know that MOST of us know this but, there are those cute guys and gals who think this will be the “miracle” they’ve waited for their whole life. You only get out of it what you put into it!

My husband and I are getting ready to head off on vacation to the coast next weekend. It’s been a year since we had a vacation together and I’m excited about it. We are in a much better place as a couple than we were at this time last year. It was just a difficult time as we were adjusting from the previous year of job worries, and in the midst of the year of trials and huge health decisions. ANYWAY…I digress…the point here is that I was thinking of that last vacation and the fact that I had lost a significant amount of weight before it and that I was fresh from surgery when we took off. That made me dig out a picture of the adventure. I will admit it is a crappy picture due to the fact that I was still incredibly ANTI camera at that time. Again…moving on…I became obsessed by that picture and decided that I needed a picture of myself in that outfit so I wore what I could on Friday and tried to get the same pose down and had Joe take a picture. I will say the pants were 4 full sizes too big (so I chose not to wear them lol) for me and the shirt is baggy (can’t tell in the pic really because of quality) but, it has also been taken in about 3 inches on each side of the waist. I can see some differences and others are hard for me to see. I am disappointed there isn’t a bigger change but, honestly it’s just a picture and you can’t see that the shirt was so tight I was pulling at it all day when I wore it last year. The pants I could barely breath in and I was a self conscious wreck in that outfit the whole day because, I thought all my rolls were hanging out all over the place…and that was after a 70 some pre-surgery loss. On Friday I was self conscious because the shirt was baggy even taken in 6 inches and I felt like I was falling out of it. The pants were a size I never thought I’d be and I wasn’t uncomfortable taking the picture after 126 pound total loss. All in all I declare it a success 🙂
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I am emotionally in a better place than I was last post. I still struggle with some things but, all in all life is good and I’m blessed with a wonderful family. Lately the thing that has been on my mind the most is that I would be getting ready to deliver the baby we lost, this month. I’ve been having dreams about babies and pregnancy. I know it wasn’t God’s Will for us but, I can’t help but, wish things were different. Between this being on my mind and just day to day life with daycare, home, kids, and husband, I am learning to take my desire to eat in another direction. I have been hitting the home gym. Even this afternoon after church when I was livid with someone and had to cool off, the exercise equipment is where I headed to pray it out, NOT the kitchen! That is a huge accomplishment for me.

I have noticed something that makes me really smile huge. This past year my middle child Ebby, has become MY girl. She has been a Daddy’s girl her whole life from the moment she was born. Something changed in the past several months and whatever it is I’m grateful for the time with her. Don’t get me wrong, she’s still her Daddy’s girl and will probably totally go that direction again in a short while as we begin to butt heads over “girl” drama but, I am loving this time with her.Ebby I am not sure what that has to do with a weight loss blog but, you are all used to me going off in odd directions 😛

I am not the only one with stuff to share but, since the other stuff isn’t MINE to share…hint, hint, hint, Clint, Clint, Clint…I will let that rest until he decides to come back out and play on the blog! Let’s just say he’s incredibly amazing and accomplished something big at the end of July!

Hugs to you all and thanks for reading even though I’ve been totally flakey all summer.

~Steph

“Well here I am” said Reality as it punched me in the face! By: Steph

I am a bad, bad blogger. I apologize for being so hit or miss on my blogging lately. Have I said, “I’m sorry for not being around?” Okay, okay cut me some slack people. Oh wait…that was just me stressing myself out huh? Okay then…here we go, moving forward 🙂

Life has been stressful the past few weeks and in all honesty more like the last several months. I sat down yesterday and took a good account of myself and realized that I haven’t been “the same” since probably December. Things that happened last year took their toll on me and I lost my dedication to myself. I randomly find it chasing me here and there but, I’m crafty and I’m able to easily shake that pesky dedication. I stopped losing weight in December for the most part. I regained a little and lost it back so February/March during the Healthy Family Challenge I had a great loss but, then the desire to work at it waned again. I have to once again say I was fighting depression and it was winning. Maybe it still is in some ways. I regain, I lose most of the regain and then let it slide again. It’s been a pattern the last few months. God and I talk about this and I tell Him “I’m giving this over to you.” but, I’m pretty sure He knows better than I do that, I haven’t, truly done that, even when I really think and hope that I have. Well, here I am again with regain. I’m angry at myself, I’m sad for myself, I’m blaming myself, I’m feeling sorry for myself, I’m…just focused on myself??? Maybe that is where my problem lies? When my eyes are on God life has a lot more clarity for me. Knowing this is the easy part. Finding my way back to implementing it isn’t quite so easy. I can converse with Him about my friends, my family, the world, etc…but, when I’m feeling so much like a failure, I find it hard to ask Him to help me. I know there are a lot of you out there who are reading this and don’t understand why “god” has anything to do with this. For me, GOD has everything to do with it. I know I wouldn’t have come this far and had these changes in my life without Him. Trust me I tried that for the first 33 years of my life…it didn’t work for me. I must also say that I in no way blame God for this lapse in communication because, I know it rests solely on my shoulders. This isn’t a lesson in my Christianity, it’s just a fact of who I am and how I function I can’t really blog honestly if I leave my faith out of it because, it shapes who I am. If I’m not blogging honestly then what is the point of blogging at all? I guess it would then become more like “creative writing by the creatively writing challenged” instead of a blog.

I’m taking steps to remedy this.

1) I’m meal planning again. No more flying by the seat of my pants and just whimsically deciding to eat fairy dust because, it’s in the pantry. (That darn fairy dust is really carb heavy and causes cravings!)

2) I’m going to restart my restart of my restart to working out again. I mean just randomly running C25K isn’t going to cut it, I need to go back to the basics and get real workouts back into my life. I feel better, I have a better attitude and it’s one of my best prayer times.

3) I’m going to log my meals on mfp and not worry about what anyone has to say about my eating choices. If they don’t understand my lifestyle then why does it bother me that they comment on it? I may even GASP close my food diary to the public.

4) I’m asking for help from Clint, from Joe, from my kids. If they see me mindlessly nibbling they need to point it out. (I will be attaching a picture on here so if you dear readers see someone who vaguely resembles me walking down the street eating something carby and delicious, feel free to chastise, smack or otherwise heckle me/them. You may also want to run incase it’s NOT me and they are carrying pepper spray!)

5) I’m going to remember how hard I worked to get to where I am now. How good it feels to be able to shop in non-plus sized sections of stores. How amazing it is to be able to go out and play with the kids. What it feels like to feel confident enough to ride the Harley with Joe. I’m going to remember what it feels like to have my life back. I’m also going to let go of all the negativity surrounding this surgery. I worked hard before surgery and I worked hard after it. Now that I’m NOT working at it like every weight loss surgery patient HAS TO DO (despite the claims of “you took the easy way out”, my results are the same as anyone who hasn’t had the surgery…I gained weight! I am starting to recognize that I was playing into peoples idea of surgery being the easy way. I was thinking well, I don’t have to log every bite I put in my mouth, I don’t have to exercise 5-6 days a week, I don’t have to work at this. Umm hmm…we see how well that worked. It’s not the easy way out, it just allows you to keep your weight loss moving enough to get you to the point where you physically are able to exercise and help yourself. There are always the exceptions to the rule though. I mean we all know a 110 pound 6 foot tall couch potato who eats 6 Big Macs a day and never gains a pound. Just like there are WLS (weight loss surgery) folks who drop and keep off a ton of weight while never exercising a day in their life. The people in these examples are the EXCEPTIONS. For most of the world, rules are rules, don’t take in more calories than you burn and if you want to eat a bit extra, then you better move your rear end if you want it to not wind up on your rear end!

6) I’m going to find alternatives to eating when I’m stressed yet, too busy to even do 10 minutes of stair climbing or 50 squats. I would love some input on this one. Prayer is a definite one I will implement, standing on one leg for 60 seconds trying to balance without falling and cracking my head open is a suggestion…thank you Clint S.P. for that one! Any other 60 second or less fixes that I can do with a herd of children here and a noise level of a small rock concert like oh…Woodstock? Umm and no Super Gluing my lips together is totally out…how would I yell at my children tell my kids I love them?

7) Venting on my blog…oh wait…check I just did that one!

Anyone out there who has dealt with regain and stopped it before it got out of control, I would love to hear what tools and strategies helped you the most. Doesn’t matter if it’s a wls peep or not, we are all in this together. Are we not?

I thank you all for listening…reading…falling asleep two lines in or filing your nails while on this page. (It all shows up as a “view” to me!)

Soon to report that the final 30 stinking pounds of this journey are GONE! There is nothing I can think of that would be more exciting to blog about than the post titled…IN MAINTENANCE GOAL REACHED!!! So, stay tuned folks and be chatty. Heckle, cheer on or just tell me your story!

Reeling from Reality (who packs a mighty mean punch).

~Steph

PS people, be expecting fun food vessel pics this week. I am making avocado boats, stuffed zucchini, bell pepper Philly Cheesesteak cups, and bell pepper tacos. They should be cute, portion controlled and tasty…I’ll keep you updated!