Do You Ever Ask Yourself, “Who am I?” ~By: Steph

Today I am in the zone.  Well, my own zone which is not for everyone.  I caught myself in the midst of doing something strange and thought, “Who does this stuff?” I know I’m quirky.  I know I come across as closed off until, you get to know me.  I know I have my struggles.  I know I’m a smart ass like my Papa before me.  I know that I’m a fairly decent wife…YES Big Guy I am! I know that I’m the Meanest Mom in Fresno (M.M.I.F.), just ask my Noodle. I know I am a child of God and that I’m incredibly blessed to be His.

What didn’t I know? Technically I knew these things but, never really thought much of them.  I’m weird, thrifty, totally irrational at times, overly emotional in good and bad ways, and I know that my mind often is like a canoe stuck in a whirlpool. I think in circles and often talk in them too.  Often during a conversation, the worst possible responses pop into my head at extremely inappropriate times and I have to shove them away. I’m pretty sure I get THAT from my Papa too.  He was the sort of guy who said things like, “You’re a good ole hefer.” to the lady who spent an hour dealing with us and hooking my electric account up. Leaving her giggling and blushing.  Anyone else who said it would have probably gotten punched in the nose!  I at least usually have the good sense to think but, not say these things. I’m not as adorable as Papa was so I’m pretty sure I’d get punched.

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Yesterday my Big Guy informed me that the container that grinds the Himalayan pink salt, had melted.  I checked the store for a salt grinder to transfer it to.  Totally refused to pay $12 for a new one.  This morning I was staring down that salt grinder and wishing it ill. Ten minutes later I had the electrical tape out and was “fixing” it.  Who tapes a salt grinder back together? Especially when it’s one of those cheapo ones that comes with the salt! Me, that’s who.  Hey, it matched!  You never would have noticed if I hadn’t pointed it out.  I’m fairly certain of that because, most of you wouldn’t have been in my kitchen.

I can not say that without saying this.  Today wasn’t my first rodeo with tape.  Two full years ago, Bailey our sweet little pit mix decided that she was going to help me decorate the house. She decided to eat the back off of BOTH leather end table/storage cubes. You guessed it.  I contemplated buying new ones and ended up breaking out the duct tape.  Taped the entire back of both of them and then to top off my awesome ingenuity…I spray painted the duct tape brown to match the cubes.  We still have them.  I still roll my eyes every time I see the fraying edges of that tape masterpiece.  The couch now has electrical tape on the back of it to close the seam in the leather that the daycare kids were dropping toys into.  I’m the kind of person who really wants new furniture but then I think, “It’s just going to look the same way as the old furniture if I allow the kids to even breathe by it.”  No Big Guy, that does not mean I don’t want to get new furniture! I would prefer it if the Furniture Fairy would drop off some indestructible, free, furniture one night.  Not holding my breath.

I am scatterbrained to the point that I think if you look hard enough you can see my brain jumping around.  In my mind there are always about 15,000 things running around.  Kind of like ants. No not like ants, they are pretty organized.  More like bees buzzing around a hive.  I am also busy.  Who isn’t though?  This is why, I will now confess that this blog was started TWO days ago.  So when I say that I taped the salt grinder, “this morning”, what I really mean is 2 days ago. If my blogs jump around, it’s partly due to the fact that I rarely write more than one paragraph at a time.  More like one paragraph an hour or, six hours, or 48 hours…whatever.

I come across as closed off because, I’m trying to take in all of my surroundings and still speak coherently.  I have a hard time with crowds, windows, background noise, or any other distraction that may be taking place during a conversation.  My co-crazy Becky, likes to shout, SQUIRREL, at me when this happens. I don’t mean to seem standoffish, it’s just that there are so many things happening and that makes it hard for me to focus.  Call it ADD, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, whatever you want.  I call it life.  My Monster Boy was lucky enough to get this from me.

If you’ve ever read my blog you know the “struggles” I have.  I am pretty blessed that God helps me to manage them.  I did not say they are under control. If they were under control, they wouldn’t be struggles, Silly.

I’m over emotional.  Enough said or else, I’ll get mad and cry.

All in all, I like who I am.  That isn’t something I could have said a few years ago.  I am learning to embrace my quirks, my struggles, and my ability to live a joyful life, with them. I have my days, and sometimes they feel overwhelming but, I get through them.  I wouldn’t change them if it meant losing the lessons I’ve learned, the family I have, or my faith in God.

I hope you enjoy your quirks and embrace who you are and where you are.  It kind of stinks to always be looking for something better, or more “normal”, than who you are.

Hugs and go tape something up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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