Too much time to think…~By: Steph

 

This week has been a LOOOOONNNNGGG week.  Did you see all the extra letters in that word??? Seriously. I love my job, I love my kids, I love peace and quiet…okay I would if I ever had any of that last one…I do not love all of these things when I’m alone.  I am a big, fat (working on this part), stinking (not as in the I didn’t shower this week, kinda way) baby and I miss my Big Guy.  He has been out of state for his job since, Monday at 6 a.m.  He comes home tonight! I can’t wait. I mean, I can but, I don’t wanna! Every time he leaves town, something semi catastrophic happens.  Well maybe catastrophic is an exaggeration but, it feels that way.  This week was completely, absolutely, uneventful.  I’m thankful and a little worried by this since, I still have several hours until his return.

When I have too much time on my hands, my mind likes to take lots of little vacations.  It goes here, it goes there, it just kind of splits off into it’s lovely shards of wonderful and wanders around, unsupervised.  I will try to give you a peek of the paths it chooses to travel.

  1. On Monday as I laid in bed alone I started thinking.  It started with, “Did I lock the sliding glass door?  If I leave our bedroom door open will that dumb cat come in? Do I really care if the dumb cat comes in? If it came in would it get on the pillows? Nope, door closed.” By the end I couldn’t shake the idea that if I was really still all night, I would only have to make my half of the bed in the morning.  Yeah…that didn’t work but, at least the sliding door was locked and the cat slept somewhere else.
  2. Tuesday night, I laid down and wondered if I could draw a shamrock?  Then I spent the next, 2 hours searching on Pinterest.  I did find a shamrock to print but, that was probably about 40 mins into my Pinterest escapade, when I remembered why I was on Pinterest in the first place.  I also pinned a TRX system, some low carb meals that I’ll never cook or look at again, an eyeliner tutorial that would have me in a pool of tears on the bathroom floor because it’s impossible, and some ideas for the daycare room.
  3. On Wednesday as the kids were painting their shamrocks, I wondered if I should paint the kitchen a different color.  I then wondered how bad the mess would be if I threw a latex glove filled up with water and finger paint at my Monster Boy when, he got home.  Yeah, I didn’t feel like cleaning so that experiment never took place.
  4. On Thursday night I searched plastic surgery before and after pics on Pinterest. I partially convinced myself that, I never need to retire but, I really should plan a trip to Mexico for a “mommy makeover”.
  5. As I was searching the plastic surgery sites that offer a body lift for 3 easy payments of $49.99, I decided that was probably not my best option and retirement in 30 years, sounded much safer.  This made me think of the thigh gap craze.  Why is this a thing?  Aren’t women supposed to be curvy?  Isn’t a thigh gap just a nice way of saying, “I’m bowlegged”?  Plus my thighs would miss each other.  They keep each other warm in the winter, I never drop stuff on my chair (they are good catchers), my thighs are kind of bff’s and they’d miss each other if there was a great distance between them! It would be kind of like they got a divorce.  You know how when you are walking with your spouse and you walk close enough to brush shoulders?  It’s comforting and I don’t want my thighs to have to go through the separation anxiety.

I think that writing and reading this, points to my need for better crazy pills, or some counseling.  It also makes me realize that I should never be without a book to read.  I could have avoided all of this nonsense and sunk into a great read!

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I am kind of doing sucky at the whole “leaving carbs alone” thing.  I was fine and this week I have been nibbling.  I need to kick that out of my life NOW.  Maybe I should have searched for carb triggered shock collars on Pinterest instead of, wasting my time on the cosmetic surgery sites. Who knows, maybe if I invent the carb triggered shock collar, I could afford the Mommy Makeover in a place that requires a medical license and sterile tools?!

I can feel that I am introverting into my introvertedness again.  YES…I made up that word.  Get over it!  I had to force myself to go to church last night and I don’t like that feeling.  I am pretty sure human interaction should trump climbing under the covers and watching, My 600 lb life and searching on Pinterest for things I will never, cook, build, decorate or try.  I go through these reclusive periods and even though I know they probably aren’t, normal or good for me, I feel the need to recharge almost.  I come out of them feeling more capable of being in other people’s company.  Oh, that’s right!  I also spent the evenings pinning “introvert” quotes. I realized that there are others like me!   My people exist!!!  I’d go seek them out but, that would require socialization which kind of makes us not introverts.

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I have big plans for next week.  I intend to make mango salsa and a zucchini “pasta” salad.  Pictures will be posted!  Okay and yes, that is my idea of, BIG PLANS!  I mean come on people, you have read up to this point. Did ya think I was going out skydiving? Anyhow, big plans for fresh, healthy foods this coming week.

I just subscribed to Ipsy for the first time.  My Big Guy will be so excited that we are now receiving makeup in the mail.  I must say…it’s a cheaper midlife crisis than say…a Jeep 😉  I am currently enjoying feeling more girly than I did in the past. I type that as I sit here with bags under my eyes from lack of sleep this week and wearing workout capris and a 2 size too big t-shirt. Ahh well, I still like playing with makeup, even if I end up wiping half of it off before leaving the house. I seriously am in need of a makeover.  Clothes, hair, makeup, the works. I am not really sure exactly how to dress for where I am at age and size wise. I am terribly unsure of makeup and there is a fine line between appropriate and hoochie.  Someday when I grow up I will get this all worked out.

Do you think that the body image thing ever goes away?  I know I am not a size 4 but, I am not a size 28 either.  I can’t seem to see that distinction. I still find my comfort zone in dressing for who I was.  I will sometimes luck out and find an outfit that I get compliments on.  Then I want to wear it all the time because, it’s the only one I’m sure of. I admire the women who are comfortable and confident at any size.  The ones who look polished and put together when they roll into the grocery store with 3 kids, while they sport the latest fashion, 5 inch heels and a gorgeous bag.  I don’t even own a purse that cost more than $20!  Do they have the same insecurities as those of us who have minimal makeup, messy hair, a t-shirt, jeans and Converse on?  How do they pull it off?  Sometimes I just want to throw myself at their ankles and beg them to take me shopping and do my hair/makeup! I am pretty sure I’d get arrested if this happened so I keep myself in check.

Have an incredible, healthy weekend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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