Better late than never :) By Steph

IMG_20130814_103913 This is me right after our vacation in the stripes. The other two are pics of clothes I wore TIGHTLY prior to weight loss.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Meeeeee, okay you get the point. Well, I am a few days late but, better late than never. Right?

I did my big kicking re-gain’s ass weigh in on Wednesday my 40th birthday. In the 5 weeks between my challenge of getting back to logging my food, working out and eating better, I lost 13.6 of my 16 pound regain. Leaves me with a mere 2.4 pounds to lose and put this nasty little episode behind me. I’m proud of the outcome. No, I didn’t lose 16 pounds in 5 weeks but, I kicked butt and did it the right way. A lot of exercise, meal planning and praying for help. There is nothing to feel bad about there, in my opinion anyway. Oh wait…mines the only one that counts since, it’s my body, my challenge and my life! Okay God gets ultimate claim to it but, still for all accounts and purposes, I’ll claim second on that list!

I’ve had some motivators who probably don’t even realize they’ve motivated me. A lady from church is on her own weight loss journey and reading her check ins, ups and downs, has kept me realistic and focused on the fact that we all have our struggles and our successes. A great friend since high school has stopped taking a backseat in her life and made proactive steps towards improving her life. I see her looking to the Lord, taking a leap of faith and finding a new job, getting out there and coaching her little girls soccer team and just being an all around inspiration. My husband’s faith in me and my capabilities, even when I’m doubting them. The way he works for our family which oh yeah includes me! If he thinks I’m worth working for, shouldn’t I think the same way? My bestie co-blogger (well yeah we suck at the quantity but, it’s all about the quality…right Clint?) and his own struggle with and then stomping all over of re-gain! Plus the numerous other successes he’s had lately. Another friend who has been through the wringer off and on lately and just keeps smiling and moving forward PLUS, joining me on a get our butts in gear challenge and she lost quite a few pounds herself in this time period! If you look for it there are plenty examples of why perseverance is so important to us. We easily recognize it in others but, some of us…OKAY ME ME ME…find it hard to see in ourselves.

Went to the coast camping with my hubby and our 9 month old Bear (okay technically he’s our German Shepard puppy) and still managed to get a lot of movement in, cook some seriously healthy and delicious meals and enjoy ourselves. Let’s see some highlights from the trip…Bear barked and protected us from oncoming traffic for about 30 miles before Joe lost it and decided he was riding in his kennel in the trailer the rest of the way to the ocean, I made it to our pit stop without wetting my pants (I drank A LOT of water and iced coffee on the way there.), Joe got pulled into the ocean by Bear and I laughed hysterically, I got pulled into the ocean by Bear and laughed much less before just giving up and enjoying it, I stepped foot in the ocean DURING SHARK WEEK (I know pretty daring since I’m sure the sharks were very aware what week it was!), spent alone time with my guy and Bear of course, took some amazing walks, relaxed, reconnected as a couple, and of course still managed to LOSE WEIGHT on vacation.

The past couple of weeks I reconnected with my inner tomboy and realized I love riding my bike! Joe took us to the park where they have all these hills, jumps, and courses for BMX riding. I have a beach cruiser and a 40 year old body…neither has any kind of shocks! We rode for hours burned a gazillion (yes I logged it and it said a gazillion 😛 on MFP) calories. It was so much fun going on the course and track. It was incredibly awesome realizing I was CAPABLE of doing this! I had so much fun and we went back the following week too. So last weekend was our second week and the highlight was me going down a huge hill and hitting the track at a bad angle and too fast, thus flipping me off my bike into another hill! I was a big girl and there were no tears…I cannot say there were no bruises though. I am still sporting some pretty nice mementos of the “trip”. We kept riding another 2 hours after that and it was a great family day. I am now on the search for a mountain bike because, well shocks would be really, REALLY, nice to have if I’d like to keep my knees and spine in decent shape (I’m sort of fond of those two things sooo…). I am way into the idea of a new bike but, someone is going to have to mud wrestle me to keep me from taking my big booty seat off my beach cruiser and putting it on the new bike! I like it, it’s very comfy…we’re friends.

ResizedImage_1377897957164 Family pic from my birthday dinner. Can you tell my son has his daddy’s smile? lol

For my birthday went out for dinner and had a nice time. Oh plus the restaurant sang happy birthday to me in Japanese and gave me a dessert that my 3 children promptly ate all of. When we left I decided I required some ice cream so we headed to Coldstone Creamery and I had a half of a kids cup of ice cream after dinner, before deciding I probably should stop eating it because, no one likes puking on their birthday and it wasn’t “that kind” of party sooo…I tossed the ice cream instead. It was delicious though 🙂

I am now on my way to achieving my goal weight. I am keeping up the food logging, exercise and healthy choices (most of the time). I’m not giving myself a timeline because, as long as I am moving in the right direction, I really don’t care how long it takes. I’m happy where I am and I feel wonderful so if I lose more living like this, that will be great. If I don’t, well you know what? That will be great too. 40 feels pretty amazing from my vantage point.

Thanks for listening to (okay yes technically reading) my ramblings and hodgepodge of giddy goofiness.1238185_3447216314959_244113364_n

Hugs and good choices,
~Steph

P.S. I should have just kept eating the ice cream and got sick on my birthday. I’ve been sick since the day after with some kind of tummy thing. I have no clue what is up. Yes, this is me feeling sorry for my tummy! lol

I am old:But it is just a technicality.

I am 43 years old. It is mind boggling to think about that for me for a few reasons. While I am not going to act like I need a rocking chair right now I do not feel like I am a somewhat old dude.

This line of thinking has me appreciating the process I am going through and the accomplishments being accomplished. It is way more than a number of pounds being lost or the number left to be lost. Until today I simply had not realized the greatest gift of getting more physically fit.

That is simply feeling good. I started a new job this week which had me sitting in an office chair 8 hours per day. I do not think I have sat comfortably for that long since I was four or five years old. I wish I was joking about that. As the week was winding down I became aware of the fact that things are now different.

The truth is there was a recent time when sitting was a chore. Seems silly but it is also true.

I got to thinking about the week as a whole. Without giving much thought to it I chose to take part of each break from work to do sit-ups or push-ups or body squat things. It wasn’t on a dare. Nobody was paying me to do it. I did it because that is the person I am becoming.

That is an incredible feeling.

It was a great week. The best part is a new one is going to start right around the corner. Have a good one! Cheers – Clint

Accomplishments, Lost Mind, Fear and the Big Picture

race

Hello Friends. I have also been bad at keeping up with things on here. Being busy would be a lie. I have had stuff to do but the real reason for my disappearance is simply not wanting to share. That is selfish…….sorry.

I have gained a bunch from my friendship with Stephanie. One of the biggest things is a roadmap to being honest and telling a few secrets here and there.

A month back I participated in the 5K event I had previously spoken about. It was a catastrophe and it was great at the same time.

Many things went bad leading up to it. I fell down a large flight of stairs that interrupted my training. The back and knee got cranky. The 9 days directly before it were just too hot to properly train without putting myself at health risk. I wanted to anyways but what can you do when mommy hides your shoes?

As I am a nutcase the night before was filled with anxiety and voices in the head. I laid in bed all night watching the dog Vin snore. At best I slept 45 minutes. As the race started I whispered to my race companions that I hope I can do this on no sleep. Not sure if they knew I wasn’t joking.

The local magic-eight-ball-weatherman had predicted the weather would break that morning. He was wrong.

I was not aware that runners and walkers (4000 total) would start at the same time all mixed up in one group. As I stood there I strangely felt that I had done enough to prepare for this. I had not. The first mile was zig-zagging around walkers which resulted in a pace much faster than I was capable of. Being not a rocket scientist I also did not factor in the fact that half of the course was up hill. Let us consider that a learning experience.

I ran most of two miles and was completely out of gas. Didn’t know if I was going to pass out or have unwanted stuff come out of my mouth first. I did the adult thing and walked for a while. I really didn’t want to but in retrospect I am very glad I did.

On a positive note I completed the race and covered the 5K in 49 minutes. Slow for sure but within a few minutes of my personal best so it wasn’t like I mailed it in completely.

So, I mentioned it was great. It was and here is why. I did it with my excellent nephew and awesome sister. The support they gave me was incredible. Every once in a while they would call another sibling who wanted to be there and couldn’t. it was like they were running right there next to me. It kind of choked me up a little if I am being honest.

I have admitted to being a Milwaukee Brewers nerd a few times on here. This event was located at Miller Park in Milwaukee. It was the sausage race 5K. At the two mile mark we entered the ballpark in the media entrance and ran the entire length of the warning track. This was amazing to me for a few reasons. The adrenaline was so intense I can’t describe it. They had players and coaches with taped messages of encouragement on the big video board. It was a thrill for me. My sister and I cried like little girls at a new Kids on the Block concert. (or 40 year old women at the reunion tour)

The adrenaline wasn’t the only thing. Here is where being honest beyond my comfort zone comes in to play. Running through this place meant a lot to me for another reason. Miller Park has been open for a long time and despite being a tremendous fan I hadn’t ever been there until this year.

My progress allowed me to attend my first game in person earlier this season. Doing this event in particular and actually running through this baseball park represented so much for me and it truly felt like the greatest thing in the world right when it was happening.

The weeks leading up to this also represented challenging times. My eating got out of control and I stopped being honest with myself and others about it. The scary part is I really didn’t understand I was doing it until a couple weeks went by. This trend lasted about another 7 days after the race. During this time i stopped stepping on the scale.

I am naive in this regard as I was shocked to find I had gained 17.5 pounds. The worst part is what I lost in this process. Which was three years of confidence and self-control.

FEAR!

The day I returned to my good habits started out with about four hours of complete uncontrolled fear. I do not expect that anyone who hasn’t had a massive weight problem to understand. I was afraid that this quest to become healthy was over for me. I really had no confidence that I could stop eating shitty food at an alarming rate. I still have no idea how this happened. It didn’t make any sense and it still doesn’t.

The only reason I started to make changes in my life was because i became too fat to exist. I couldn’t walk and or take care of myself. That is sad and pathetic to me but it is also true. I had this overwhelming feeling that I was headed back to those days and that it seemed like I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Then something corny saved the day. I was watching an old TV show that I have seen too many times to admit. The coach of the high school football team is trying to help his former player get past a knee injury and the player asked him why he cares so much to put in so much effort to help him. The reply was because I need something good to happen right now.

If this makes me a dork then please sign me up. That line locked me in again. I needed something good to happen and I needed it right then.

Things are going awesome since. I have lost the gained weight plus about five pounds and I am a pound away from a total loss of 300.

That isn’t even the good news. I feel great and I have ALL of the confidence.

I have finally progressed to the point that I will now call myself a runner. I do not mind saying that I am kicking ass with it. Doing a 5K is no longer a hurdle. I have run that distance non stop with gas left in the tank four times this week. I have 42 miles in for August. I no longer try to run.

I run.

The big picture has changed for me. It used to be a race to 220 pounds. A slow one over three years but in my head it was a race. I do not feel that way any more. Of course I want to get to that point and I will celebrate it when it happens but it no longer represents the end of the road. Thinking that way indicates that something will change at that number. That can’t be the way it is. These habits are with me for the rest of the movie. They have to be because I am not giving back the confidence and the control.

Thanks and bye. -Clint

Okay, okay I’ve been away for a while…AGAIN By: Steph

Here I am again apologizing for not being around much this summer. I have mentioned I run a daycare and summer break is a chaotic, crazy, fun and busy time for me. However, I won’t use that as the excuse for not being around. I’m still struggling. I am doing much better with my eating. I am still not weighing until my 40th birthday at the end of August but, can tell my renewed dedication to logging my food and making exercise a priority has paid off. Clothes that were getting snug or flat out didn’t fit, are fitting fine again and I’m thrilled with that!

I am officially a bit over a year out from surgery now and I will not even pretend it’s been an easy year. Gastric Sleeve surgery isn’t a cure all and it isn’t a magical fairy dust that they sprinkled over me while I was under. It’s a tool and like any tool, if you aren’t putting the work behind it, it just sorta lays there doing nothing. I learned that when I got well….stupid…the first half of this year. So for my fellow “sleevers”, take care of yourselves, physically and mentally. Don’t become lazy, and don’t think just because, you had wls you will lose all your weight and keep it off. I know that MOST of us know this but, there are those cute guys and gals who think this will be the “miracle” they’ve waited for their whole life. You only get out of it what you put into it!

My husband and I are getting ready to head off on vacation to the coast next weekend. It’s been a year since we had a vacation together and I’m excited about it. We are in a much better place as a couple than we were at this time last year. It was just a difficult time as we were adjusting from the previous year of job worries, and in the midst of the year of trials and huge health decisions. ANYWAY…I digress…the point here is that I was thinking of that last vacation and the fact that I had lost a significant amount of weight before it and that I was fresh from surgery when we took off. That made me dig out a picture of the adventure. I will admit it is a crappy picture due to the fact that I was still incredibly ANTI camera at that time. Again…moving on…I became obsessed by that picture and decided that I needed a picture of myself in that outfit so I wore what I could on Friday and tried to get the same pose down and had Joe take a picture. I will say the pants were 4 full sizes too big (so I chose not to wear them lol) for me and the shirt is baggy (can’t tell in the pic really because of quality) but, it has also been taken in about 3 inches on each side of the waist. I can see some differences and others are hard for me to see. I am disappointed there isn’t a bigger change but, honestly it’s just a picture and you can’t see that the shirt was so tight I was pulling at it all day when I wore it last year. The pants I could barely breath in and I was a self conscious wreck in that outfit the whole day because, I thought all my rolls were hanging out all over the place…and that was after a 70 some pre-surgery loss. On Friday I was self conscious because the shirt was baggy even taken in 6 inches and I felt like I was falling out of it. The pants were a size I never thought I’d be and I wasn’t uncomfortable taking the picture after 126 pound total loss. All in all I declare it a success 🙂
Comparison

I am emotionally in a better place than I was last post. I still struggle with some things but, all in all life is good and I’m blessed with a wonderful family. Lately the thing that has been on my mind the most is that I would be getting ready to deliver the baby we lost, this month. I’ve been having dreams about babies and pregnancy. I know it wasn’t God’s Will for us but, I can’t help but, wish things were different. Between this being on my mind and just day to day life with daycare, home, kids, and husband, I am learning to take my desire to eat in another direction. I have been hitting the home gym. Even this afternoon after church when I was livid with someone and had to cool off, the exercise equipment is where I headed to pray it out, NOT the kitchen! That is a huge accomplishment for me.

I have noticed something that makes me really smile huge. This past year my middle child Ebby, has become MY girl. She has been a Daddy’s girl her whole life from the moment she was born. Something changed in the past several months and whatever it is I’m grateful for the time with her. Don’t get me wrong, she’s still her Daddy’s girl and will probably totally go that direction again in a short while as we begin to butt heads over “girl” drama but, I am loving this time with her.Ebby I am not sure what that has to do with a weight loss blog but, you are all used to me going off in odd directions 😛

I am not the only one with stuff to share but, since the other stuff isn’t MINE to share…hint, hint, hint, Clint, Clint, Clint…I will let that rest until he decides to come back out and play on the blog! Let’s just say he’s incredibly amazing and accomplished something big at the end of July!

Hugs to you all and thanks for reading even though I’ve been totally flakey all summer.

~Steph