“Well here I am” said Reality as it punched me in the face! By: Steph

I am a bad, bad blogger. I apologize for being so hit or miss on my blogging lately. Have I said, “I’m sorry for not being around?” Okay, okay cut me some slack people. Oh wait…that was just me stressing myself out huh? Okay then…here we go, moving forward 🙂

Life has been stressful the past few weeks and in all honesty more like the last several months. I sat down yesterday and took a good account of myself and realized that I haven’t been “the same” since probably December. Things that happened last year took their toll on me and I lost my dedication to myself. I randomly find it chasing me here and there but, I’m crafty and I’m able to easily shake that pesky dedication. I stopped losing weight in December for the most part. I regained a little and lost it back so February/March during the Healthy Family Challenge I had a great loss but, then the desire to work at it waned again. I have to once again say I was fighting depression and it was winning. Maybe it still is in some ways. I regain, I lose most of the regain and then let it slide again. It’s been a pattern the last few months. God and I talk about this and I tell Him “I’m giving this over to you.” but, I’m pretty sure He knows better than I do that, I haven’t, truly done that, even when I really think and hope that I have. Well, here I am again with regain. I’m angry at myself, I’m sad for myself, I’m blaming myself, I’m feeling sorry for myself, I’m…just focused on myself??? Maybe that is where my problem lies? When my eyes are on God life has a lot more clarity for me. Knowing this is the easy part. Finding my way back to implementing it isn’t quite so easy. I can converse with Him about my friends, my family, the world, etc…but, when I’m feeling so much like a failure, I find it hard to ask Him to help me. I know there are a lot of you out there who are reading this and don’t understand why “god” has anything to do with this. For me, GOD has everything to do with it. I know I wouldn’t have come this far and had these changes in my life without Him. Trust me I tried that for the first 33 years of my life…it didn’t work for me. I must also say that I in no way blame God for this lapse in communication because, I know it rests solely on my shoulders. This isn’t a lesson in my Christianity, it’s just a fact of who I am and how I function I can’t really blog honestly if I leave my faith out of it because, it shapes who I am. If I’m not blogging honestly then what is the point of blogging at all? I guess it would then become more like “creative writing by the creatively writing challenged” instead of a blog.

I’m taking steps to remedy this.

1) I’m meal planning again. No more flying by the seat of my pants and just whimsically deciding to eat fairy dust because, it’s in the pantry. (That darn fairy dust is really carb heavy and causes cravings!)

2) I’m going to restart my restart of my restart to working out again. I mean just randomly running C25K isn’t going to cut it, I need to go back to the basics and get real workouts back into my life. I feel better, I have a better attitude and it’s one of my best prayer times.

3) I’m going to log my meals on mfp and not worry about what anyone has to say about my eating choices. If they don’t understand my lifestyle then why does it bother me that they comment on it? I may even GASP close my food diary to the public.

4) I’m asking for help from Clint, from Joe, from my kids. If they see me mindlessly nibbling they need to point it out. (I will be attaching a picture on here so if you dear readers see someone who vaguely resembles me walking down the street eating something carby and delicious, feel free to chastise, smack or otherwise heckle me/them. You may also want to run incase it’s NOT me and they are carrying pepper spray!)

5) I’m going to remember how hard I worked to get to where I am now. How good it feels to be able to shop in non-plus sized sections of stores. How amazing it is to be able to go out and play with the kids. What it feels like to feel confident enough to ride the Harley with Joe. I’m going to remember what it feels like to have my life back. I’m also going to let go of all the negativity surrounding this surgery. I worked hard before surgery and I worked hard after it. Now that I’m NOT working at it like every weight loss surgery patient HAS TO DO (despite the claims of “you took the easy way out”, my results are the same as anyone who hasn’t had the surgery…I gained weight! I am starting to recognize that I was playing into peoples idea of surgery being the easy way. I was thinking well, I don’t have to log every bite I put in my mouth, I don’t have to exercise 5-6 days a week, I don’t have to work at this. Umm hmm…we see how well that worked. It’s not the easy way out, it just allows you to keep your weight loss moving enough to get you to the point where you physically are able to exercise and help yourself. There are always the exceptions to the rule though. I mean we all know a 110 pound 6 foot tall couch potato who eats 6 Big Macs a day and never gains a pound. Just like there are WLS (weight loss surgery) folks who drop and keep off a ton of weight while never exercising a day in their life. The people in these examples are the EXCEPTIONS. For most of the world, rules are rules, don’t take in more calories than you burn and if you want to eat a bit extra, then you better move your rear end if you want it to not wind up on your rear end!

6) I’m going to find alternatives to eating when I’m stressed yet, too busy to even do 10 minutes of stair climbing or 50 squats. I would love some input on this one. Prayer is a definite one I will implement, standing on one leg for 60 seconds trying to balance without falling and cracking my head open is a suggestion…thank you Clint S.P. for that one! Any other 60 second or less fixes that I can do with a herd of children here and a noise level of a small rock concert like oh…Woodstock? Umm and no Super Gluing my lips together is totally out…how would I yell at my children tell my kids I love them?

7) Venting on my blog…oh wait…check I just did that one!

Anyone out there who has dealt with regain and stopped it before it got out of control, I would love to hear what tools and strategies helped you the most. Doesn’t matter if it’s a wls peep or not, we are all in this together. Are we not?

I thank you all for listening…reading…falling asleep two lines in or filing your nails while on this page. (It all shows up as a “view” to me!)

Soon to report that the final 30 stinking pounds of this journey are GONE! There is nothing I can think of that would be more exciting to blog about than the post titled…IN MAINTENANCE GOAL REACHED!!! So, stay tuned folks and be chatty. Heckle, cheer on or just tell me your story!

Reeling from Reality (who packs a mighty mean punch).

~Steph

PS people, be expecting fun food vessel pics this week. I am making avocado boats, stuffed zucchini, bell pepper Philly Cheesesteak cups, and bell pepper tacos. They should be cute, portion controlled and tasty…I’ll keep you updated!