I guess I should start with the good stuff. I got out there today and completed Week 6 and my first 22 minute run…which may not seem like much since I just did 20 minutes last Friday but, to me it felt at least 2 minutes longer.
Honestly the run was good but, my head wasn’t in it at all. I kept wanting to quit and then telling myself, “No you will not quit!” I waged that internal war the entire time and it had nothing to do with the physical aspect of the run. It was just that I was angry at myself and a little emotionally down.
Wow, that’s the good stuff…not much to work with there.
Ok so, here it is. Today is the one year “anniversary” of losing my Papa. It hit me as I was filling out cheer forms for my Ebby last night. I had done really well with my eating and exercising this week and was feeling pretty good. I knew this was coming and it hit me hard when I woke up Monday morning but, I got past it and moved forward. Monday was a difficult day but, I didn’t get crazy with emotional eating or anything like that.
(I look like my Papa and it’s not just the hair! 😀 )
Last night however, was a way different story. I did well all day and then blew it in the last 4 hours (after I locked on to the date). I ate 4 Keebler cookies, a 2 oz. cup of ice cream and a snack bag of Pirate Booty all in the final 4 hours of my day.
This morning I got up to workout and instead made a toasted piece of Cinnabon cinnamon burst bread. Then 45 mins. later I had another slice! 25 minutes later I grabbed a packet of Bel-vita breakfast biscuits and ate half of it as I was leaving to take the kids to school. When I walked back in from drop offs, I ate the rest of the packet. I was reaching for more carbs when I realized what I was doing. I went out and ran my final day of Week 6 and tried to clear my head. It sort of worked, at least I am focused on what I was doing by feeding my emotions but, now I have to deal with the carb cravings from my mini-binge and the emotions of the day. I prayed during my run but, my prayers were a jumbled mess. I know God hears it all and sorts it out. I know He knew what was in my heart before I prayed it. Still struggling a bit though and I can’t seem to let it go.
Sorry this isn’t a more positive post but, it’s the truth of my day. I know I will get past this and it’s a “moment” but, right now I just am not feeling sunshiney and happy.
I hope you all have a blessed weekend and enjoy your family and friends. Get some workouts in and burn those cals!