I am struggling a bit with the emotions of losing weight. I am not in anyway saying I’m unhappy to have lost a lot of it but, just that it’s not all fun and games in smaller sized jeans. Last night I decided to go to a bariatric support group. There were about 12 people there and 4 of them were spouses. One a little creepier than the others but, that’s a whole different topic. Let’s just say I will never wear shorts or a skirt to group again. As with any group, there were the listeners, the woe’s me-ers, the middle of the road-ers (that’s me) and then the talkers. There is always a talker or two in every group. This particular group had two of them. One was tolerable and kinda sweet. The other was…nice words…umm…nice words…self absorbed. (See that wasn’t too mean!) If you told this particular person that you heard that standing on your head sucking helium out of a purple balloon would cause you to lose water weight, she would say, “Well, only if it’s a Tuesday night, and the moon is full and the balloon is violet and you have just had a drink with aspartame in it because, we all know that aspartame is just one ingredient away from baby aspirin!” Then she’d take a breath before anyone could blink and continue on about how, “It killed my 3rd cousins, bankers, ex-wife’s, brother-in-laws, wiener dog! But DAMN he looked good in the coffin because, he wasn’t retaining any water!” Hmm…maybe he shouldn’t have inhaled the balloon too!!!
****Disclaimer…..DO NOT TRY THAT AT HOME!…wiener dogs hate losing their water weight!**** Oh and incase you haven’t noticed I have a propensity for making words up to suit my purposes 🙂
Meanwhile in my own little head…ok slightly larger than average sized head, I was thinking, “Why aren’t we talking about anything besides how to lose water weight and eating FOOD???” Support groups are supposed to support you. Are they not? I wanted to talk about why I walk by a store front window and notice a girl in the reflection who has my same outfit on and think, “Damn she looks WAY better in that than I do!” only to realize it’s me! Why do I look in the mirror and see the fat girl of yore? Why can’t I see what other people see unless, I’m looking at a picture or a reflection? Is this normal? So, I work my shy booty up to ask this question and you know what? Nobody else except ONE lady next to me seems to know what I’m talking about. The men look dumbfounded yet like they truly care. The other women look at me like, “get over yourself” and the nurse is scribbling notes and asking for my name and phone number. I refused to give the number out loud, as creeper dude was way too attentive! (I drove home looking in my rearview mirror for the men with the white coats who were probably chasing me!) Anyway, I digress….the lady next to me suggests we meet for coffee and chat. As we are exchanging info, she tells me she is a therapist but, promises she’s not out to analyze me. I enjoyed heckling the group under my breath with her so I definitely think it will be fun to meet up and chat. Next support group the drug reps are coming to give us free samples of overpriced vitamins. HOORAY!!!! Yet still not feeling very support-ish. (remember I make words up)
As I’m driving home searching for the mental health professionals who are sure to be following me, I start thinking. I realize that I think God is trying to tell me something. Either A) I should have been a therapist, or B) that I really need another therapist! My best bud at my daughter’s gymnastics class is a therapist, she just invited me to join a book club in which I would be the only one who was NOT a therapist and now my bestie in support group is a therapist. Hmm…not sure what to make of this onslaught of “helpers”.