I Stephanie have a confession to make. I have been hiding a secret since summer of 2012. I had VSG (Vertical Gastric Sleeve) surgery. I was emotionally not ready to reveal this to anyone other than my husband, mother and oldest daughter until very recently. However, on Sunday at my children’s birthday party I realized that I am at the point in my life where I don’t want to worry about other people’s reactions, above my own. I need to take care of my own mental health before I can be of help to others 🙂
I won’t bore you with the details of the surgery (unless you request that I do so) I’m sure if you’ve stumbled upon this blog you are capable of typing V.S.G. in your search bar should you so choose.
I didn’t have the surgery for the “typical” reason. I know how to lose weight, I know what I should and shouldn’t eat and I know that I need to move my a** once in a while. I had surgery after backing out 3 times, because it was time for me to do it. I had to be able to clear the mental hurdles I put in front of myself as I’m losing weight. We all have our sob stories of tragic youth and our inner child needs love etc. I’m no different. Every time I would lose about 100 pounds, I would start gaining unwanted attention and sorta, kinda…what’s a nice way to put it???….FLIP THE HECK OUT! I couldn’t handle being “visible” when I had spent my entire life making myself fat and invisible. I was out of my comfort zone and I turned to my very best friend, FOOD to get me back to it as quickly as possible. So the yo-yo thing and I were good buddies too.
I am far from putting all those hurdles behind me but, I am at the point where I can see the end and I would like to finish the race. I had to take this safety net off and just accept the criticism and even the kindness that would come my way when I put this out there. Hmm…am I revealing that I have an underlying issue or two? I’d regale you with the wild and wonderful stories of my nervous breakdowns and all the fun I can be to live with during these Hallmark moments. However my husband probably wants to save those stories until our golden years when he will write his best seller, “How I survived My Lunatic Wife and How You Can Survive Yours!” since, as we all know there will be no Social Security by then and the kids may not like us enough to provide for us! (Remember from a previous post we make them have JOINT b-day parties!)
Surgery has allowed me to deal with the open wounds and work through them without binging my way back to blimp-dom. I’m not at all condoning getting most of your stomach removed to get past your emotional drama. I am just being honest and telling you it’s what I know I had to do. Please don’t picket in front of my house and feed my kids to the anti-wls dragon. It was a personal choice. My co-blogger is doing it without the aid of wls and he’s doing a phenomenal job. Diversity is what makes the world go round! I mean seriously…would you want to be married to yourself? NOT ME!
Since my amazing revelation…yesterday…I have lost a control freak friend, a friend I really enjoyed and been completely overwhelmed by kind and loving people who support me. I must also mention that I couldn’t have made it here without God and the man he placed in my life to be with me through all of this. (Thank you Big Guy)
The following quote sums up my feelings about myself on many a day. I understand that is not the point of the quote but, it’s how I have twisted it in my rainbow filled mind to suit my purposes 🙂
“I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.”
― Abraham Lincoln